Oscar Balls

I am not allowed to watch movies that do not appeal to my sons. Which means I have not seen any of the films up for this year's Oscars. So the only reason to watch the award show would be to see Cate Blanchett or Helen Mirren, who I believe are the same person. I missed the presentation for best supporting actress, which was okay because Cate lost out to David Bowie. I did get to witness Helen Mirren flow down the stage, however, and proceed to bust the entire male audience with her confidence.

B and Tina Horror Review

I couldn't work for most of yesterday, I was just too shaken by those horrific images from this week's tragedy. Of course I'm referring to the Tina Turner / Beyonce duet of "Proud Mary" at this year's Grammys. The pairing must have sounded good in the planning room: the fantasy of Beyonce moving her ample resources like a young Tina Turner (who never had an especially good figure) is more than enticing. The reality, however, is just not there. In a Grammy show from another era, John Denver introduced Tina with the remark "God made Tina Turner to teach women how to dance in high heels." Beyonce obviously skipped class.

Aside from the grisly sight of Grandma Turner hobbling around without her walker, several questions keep gnawing at my brain. Who is the evil plastic surgeon making hideous cat monsters out of the most famous beauties in the world? Tina Turner, Cher, Melanie Griffith, Meg Ryan, Barbara Hershey, Dolly Parton, Farrah Fawcett, Priscilla Presley, Kenny Rogers... And how does he continue enticing new victims to undergo his sick mutilations?

For those who witnessed Sunday night's horrors, I am including links of Tina Turner in earlier times that I hope will help cleanse your mind of that dreadful experience. These are the visions of Tina Turner we are meant to die with.

Classic Ike and Tina's "Proud Mary"


Couple other versions here, here, here and here. On Ed Sullivan without the easy. If you really cannot watch Ike, here's one with Tina replacing the Ikettes with Swedish models.

A very early Tina wearing sensible clothes.

Great Balls of Embarrassment

Anyone wanting an example of ridiculous piano theatrics only had to witness the contrast between Lang Lang's and Herbie Hancock's performances during tonight's grammy awards. For an example of piano theatrics sorely missed you could watch Jerry Lee Lewis' subsequent performance of "Great Balls of Fire". Though to be fair, for Jerry to be jumping around on his piano these days would certainly violate several biogerontological laws.